Week 23 (26th Jan - 1st Feb)

Monday was a truly awful day. I felt the lowest I have felt in a while and decided I needed help. I think the loneliness of motherhood and the lack of me time took it's toll. In an effort to not let things go down hill I wrote to the streatham mums group for support- who were incredible. I also spoke to a health visitor, booked an appointment with the gp and with my health visitor. I cried and accepted that I am not coping well all alone. Once I accepted this it was clear I alone had to pluck up the courage and put myself out there. Luckily some lovely mums made this much easier. I went to a playgroup and spoke to a few mums over hot chocolate then I spent the whole day with 2 other wonderful mums. I got home at 4:30 exhausted but feeling a little more like myself. I know it isn't sorted but with a couple of days like this a week I will cope much better I think. 

On the sleep training side things are going well Aydin has had a few really good nights of only 2 feeds. Also we are moving towards no bouncing to sleep (1st step) and only bottom wiggling so slowly slowly we are all adapting and Aydin is happy. A bit of complaining when put to sleep but overall no hysterical crying. Thank goodness!

Success sleeping in the cot!

Loving his new pram- horray!!! 

He saw snow for the first time I Sunday 

Unfortunately by the end of the week we were both sick and Aydin had his worst night ever. Waking every hour and at times every 30-40 mins. My head was thumping and my sinus felt on fire. Hope we both feel better soon. :(

Week 22 (19th Jan - 25th Jan)

This week we officially started our sleep training programme courtesy of Hannah Love from yummy baby group. Much to my relief this is not a harsh change for anyone, us or Aydin, that said it isn't easy peasy either. 

Initially the main thing is to establish a feeding schedule that seperates feeds and naps. No more nursing my little one too sleep, as beautiful as this is. No more feeding on demand, I miss been able to give him my breast which seemed to sort everything out. As Hannah says he has been getting the boob when tired, bored and hungry. Well this is no longer the way. 

Now he feeds approximately every 3 hrs and naps when he shows signs of tiredness (about every 2-3 hrs). So that's the day routine tackled and I must say other than checking the clock more than usual it has been very doable. 

Next, we began to tackle how he sleeps- on the boob, chest carrier or our chest- again this is no more. Now he must be bounced horizontally to sleep and ideally placed on cushions on our lap or by our side. Still at the on lap phase but he is sleeping horizontally which is definite progress. On Thursday we even managed 2 naps like this without bouncing, white noise or comforter. All it took was holding him, he put his thumb in his mouth and bang asleep. I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Fingers crossed the improvements continue. 

Another battle we face later is the pushchair phobia. It is something that is really making going out for longer trips difficult. There is only so much I can carry 8+ kg around for and it would be nice to get a rest from this every now and then. 

Sleep training step one

Thumb sucking to sleep

Start of sleep training

Smiling at the tv faces

My boys

Daddy

Chubby boy

Hey sailor

My little elf

Week 21 (12th Dec - 18th Dec)

Sleeping issues continue to plague us. I finally gave in and decided to get help. I contacted a sleep trainer recommended by a streatham mum and hope to get this issues sorted before I go totally insane. 

Little scratched nose, results of his scratching at bedtime 

My baby how I wish you slept like this in your bed. :(

Loves sucking on ripe pears

Handsome lad

Teeny toes

On Saturday we had our trail day with Aydins new routine- feeding every 3 hrs not feeding to sleep and rocking hi in his room (first step) it went fairly well. 

Then on Sunday my boy turned...

I can't believe you can feel so overwhelmed with love, this little face makes my heart almost burst with joy. 

Week 20 (5th Dec - 11th Dec)

This week the 2 hourly night feeds continued, not much fun for me but I am not sure what else to do other than follow  Aydin's lead. On Monday I finally took him to be weighed and he continues on the 75th percentile weighing 8.22kg which is great. At least I am not doing it all wrong. 

I have given Aydin the first few tastes of solids which he seems to like. But they are tiny portions as I don't know if or how they will affect his little tummy. I get the impression he wants more but for now just tasting it will have to do.

Yummy banana

Is he looking more like his daddy?

Morning smiles 

Love this blurry pictures 

End of 2014

This year has been like no other so far, bursting with new experiences. 

This time last year I had just found out I was pregnant and was filled with excitement and fear at what was yet to come. Much to my surprise pregnancy was an absolute joy, all those fears of low sugar levels, cravings, morning sickness, weight gain etc where unnecessary.  There is nothing like pregnancy, the excitement of this little person growing inside, those first black and white scans conforming you are really creating a new life and then later feeling and seeing this tiny baby moving inside. Such a beautiful experience well worth the indigestion, discomfort and exhaustion that the final stage causes because by then all you can do is dream of meeting your baby.

Giving birth later this year was by far the scariest thing I have ever endured. I discovered, like so many others, that birthing plans are so ridiculously pointless and that in fact when the moment finally comes modesty and privacy fly out of the window. So worrying about everyone standing by your head and not down south doesn't even come into it. With everyone getting a full monty I could not have cared less, a mixture of panic and pain quickly render these things as unthinkable. Also as scary as it is, it's also true that a few months later you look back and a tiny voice in your head says ' oh it wasn't that bad!'. I guess that's the beauty of our natural instincts it has a way of making us cope when mentally we have no clue what we the hell we are doing and later tricking us into possible doing it again. Hahah (I am not quite there)

Then motherhood hit me, what a shock the has been. The first few weeks I functioned on pure adrenaline and excitement. But soon after this the loneliness, cluelessness, exhaustion and fear kicked in and I suddenly thought- 'what have I done?' Many days have passed with this thought, though I love Aydin and can't now imagine life without him my life has suddenly become so alien to me it's hard to adapt. I went from doing what I wanted when I wanted, to not having time to even think about what I would like let alone doing it. 

Now Aydin is 4 months old and I still feel panick if he cries, I still fear I don't know what he wants and I still fear going out with him alone. I am still adjusting to everything revolving around this one little person and to not having him out of my thoughts for a split second. I feel I have learnt a lot in the last 4 months but I am fully conscious that I have so much yet to learn. 

My focus in this New Year is to try (almost impossible for me) to worry and stress less and enjoy the moment without feeling like if all I did was look after Aydin all day then I have not done enough and  wasted my day. With this also comes being braver and going out with him more because being home all day every day does nothing for my sanity. 

Here's is a spectacular 2015 filled with joy with my little family!